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Rachel on the Ranch Blog

On Feeling Like an Impostor

On Feeling Like an Impostor

 

I never, ever thought that THIS would be the first thing I would write about in this space. I had visions of writing messages of positivity and joy and inspiration for this first post, but I also promised myself that I would share my real life here too.

So, can we talk about "impostor syndrome" for a minute? If you're not familiar with this concept (bless you, you are a lucky soul) it's basically the idea that your success and accomplishments are based on deception (when they actually aren't). I've struggled with it my entire life. I was on the honor roll, basically a 4.0 student for my entire academic career, but I would never call myself a "smart kid" or think I was very intelligent at all. I LOVE to write, but I would never call myself a writer. I have a masters degree in art education, but I would never dream of calling myself an artist. Now, I live on a ranch, and I absolutely cringe at the idea of calling myself (or anyone else calling me) a rancher. It makes my skin crawl.  

After I launched this website two days ago, my DM's on Instagram were full of the sweetest messages from you all. Things like, "I love what you're doing!" "Your account is one of my favorites to follow!" "You inspire me!" These messages absolutely brought me to tears, but I would be lying if I said I believed them with my full heart.

I have this constant nagging voice in the back of my mind that whispers things like, "You're fake. You're tricking them into thinking you're something you're not." And isn't that about the worst feeling in the entire world?

I can work so hard to do things like: get good grades, write a heartfelt caption or blog post, get myself through grad school, and launch a scary new business from scratch, but I can't even accept and believe a compliment from someone who sees and appreciates the result of all that hard work?

I wish I had a magic solution to this problem. I know I'm not the only one who is dealing with it - it wouldn't have a name if I was - but I do think we need to find a way to move past it. No matter what you do in this world, teacher, doctor, lawyer, waitress, farmer, rancher, your accomplishments matter and you earned them.

Whether you believe in God, or some other higher power, I'm here to tell you that the little nagging voice telling you you're a fake isn't coming from a positive, loving entity. It's time to start shutting that voice down and appreciating our own hard work and embracing the titles that come with it. 

I hope that in the days to come, if you're reading this (Hi mom and dad!!) you know that you are truly capable of anything you set your mind to. Whether that's starting a new business, going back to school, switching careers, or doing any big scary thing. And if someone takes the time out of their day to write you a sweet, heartfelt message, please know that they mean it. Accept that compliment and keep sharing your story. It's important, folks. 

Jul 14, 2020

Rachel,

I think you’re doing great. Keep on keepin on. So happy you’re putting forth the effort it takes to be uncomfortable sometimes. It will sooooo pay off down the road.

Ann P.

Ann Pearson
Jun 15, 2020

You are who you are Rachel on the Ranch. And the only way to be who you are is to step out of yourself into the Image in which you were created. That is the highest education one can ever receive and the most rewarding. I never saw or knew a fake Rachel. I only saw and knew a wonderful Rachel struggling to be herself in a muddy tug of war in an uncertain world. Once upon a time I used to think that my identity rested only in being good enough for others to be proud of me. I would dot all my i’s and cross all my t’s. Until, one day I woke up in the dream of my sleep and realized that even if I was just a cowpoke, I would be the best little cowpoke I could be… not to be compared with others, but to be embraced by God and to hear His voice soothe my tormented soul with these words of comfort and praise, “well done good and faithful servant”. You are a true writer Rachel, because you write from an honest heart. That’s what a true writer is and that is where you find yourself and God. I hope you will continue to speak from your soul. Deliverance is a beautiful and kind thing! It has a way of taking others along with it. Love SM, your FOREVER Admirer.

SM
Jun 04, 2020

Rachel, I read both your blog entries. I liked them both, as I also enjoyed your art journaling sharing. Keep being introspective and sharing your self discoveries. I enjoy it all. Thanks for sharing your gifts in spite of yourself.

Terry Wareham
May 08, 2020

Thank you for your kind words, Carla. I know I’m certainly not the only one dealing with these feelings and emotions. I don’t know what we as humans continually doubt the gifts that we have been given. It’s something we have to break free from!

Rachel on the Ranch
May 08, 2020

I love you to the moon and back my dear fake rancher lady. It’s inspiring to see your transparency as we have all felt fake and undeserving of our accomplishment at times. I say embrace and love ourselves even if we have to fake it until we make it. God gave us each so many gifts because He loves us…why we doubt it is beyond me. So go forth my little rancher lady…trudge through that mud and manure and continue to be that bright beautiful flower that we all love so much. Love Auntie Em

Carla Coffers

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