My daughter decided to forgo the blissful 2 hour nap that she usually takes in the morning today.
That’s the only time I get to myself. The only time I can clean, get a little workout in, or some days just sit and scroll on my phone and zone out.
As I was watching her on the baby monitor, wide awake, crying for me to come get her, I thought, “How am I supposed to do this?”
How am I supposed to keep my house clean, keep up with laundry, keep groceries in the fridge, manage all the household chores at the main farm house as well as my own, make lunch for the guys every day, take care of my physical/mental/spiritual health, post 5 reels a week, manage brand partnerships, go to my cleaning job at night, find a way to carve out that “me time” people are always talking about, on top of keeping my child alive?
I see other moms doing it, but you know what? That’s not me. I can’t, and I don’t WANT to.
So, today, I sent two emails, rejecting two brand partnerships I was really excited about. I decided not to worry about posting a funny video to keep this account alive. I did a little workout while my daughter watched and laughed at me, made myself some coffee, and sat with her while she didn’t nap. I decided the guys could have leftovers today. I accepted that I won’t be helping round up/work cattle this year, and I’m probably not going to see much tractor time this winter.
Motherhood is a sacrifice. A good friend told me that right after my daughter was born, and to be honest, I didn’t understand at the time. I know now that this is what he meant. I can’t do all the things I want to do all the time. I have to pick and choose because if I don’t, my daughter is left with a frazzled, stressed out, overworked, exhausted mom. I don’t want that for her. We both deserve better.
So, for now, I’m accepting this season of life, leaning into it, enjoying it, knowing that I will never get this time back with my girl. The partnerships, the tractor time, the cattle work, will always be there. Someday, I will look back and be thankful that I didn’t miss out on time with her to do those things.
At the end of the day, I will always choose HER.