I’m lost. I’m almost 30 years old, and I’m lost in my life. Most days, I still feel like a kid trying to find my way in this big, scary world.
When we grow up, and the responsibilities of life become ours, it’s freeing, but it also means there is no one else to blame if things go wrong. No one to make the hard decisions for you. No one to carry the weight of the world and shelter you from the hardships we face in this life.
God gave me exactly what I wanted this year. He answered my prayers so directly and completely that it actually scared me. Yet, I still question my choices and the path that I’m on every single day. I think about the financial repercussions of giving up my town job, I question whether my schedule on the ranch is too intense, I question whether I’m neglecting my friends and family, and I certainly question my own happiness from time to time too.
While it seems like the people around me know exactly what they’re doing and where they’re going, I don’t think anyone really does. I think we are all a little lost in this world, and perhaps that’s by design.
In this culture of self love and acceptance, we often hear the phrase “I am enough.” Well, I’m not enough, and that’s ok.
God didn’t design us to be enough. He didn’t create us to be able to see into the future and make the perfect decision every time. He gave us flaws so that we would draw closer to Him instead of trying to figure it all out on our own.
I don’t know where my path is going to lead. It’s not my job to know, as hard as that is to accept. My job in this life is to simply live one day at a time. Whether my path leads me off the ranch again, or right back into the hay truck, all I can do is stay in the moment and remember that I don’t have to be “enough.”